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Cruise Jokes


Here are a few cruise jokes.



Stow you

A depressed young woman was so morbid about life, that she was sitting on the jetty weeping. A handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said: "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added: "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He sure is, lady," said the Captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."




The Island

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain. "I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."




Funny doctor

Maria was going on an ocean cruise, and she tells her doctor that she’s worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him, "Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock." Maria says, "Will that keep me from getting sick?" The doctor says, "No, but it’ll look real pretty in the water."




Top dumb questions not to ask
  • Do these steps go up or down?
  • What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after they melt?
  • Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?
  • Does the crew sleep on the ship?
  • Is this island completely surrounded by water?
  • Does the ship make its own electricity?
  • Is it salt water in the toilets?
  • What elevation are we at?
  • There's a photographer on board who takes photos and displays them the next day... the question asked..."If the pictures aren't marked, how will I know which ones are mine?"
  • What time is the Midnight Buffet being served?
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